What're you doing with your life?

This is a question I often sit back and ask myself.


I know a lot of people do. It's a fairly standard life question.

You get to a certain age and you realize your life isn't the way you imagined it would be.

You don't have the dream job you planned for yourself. You don't have the dream husband or wife. You don't have the dream family. You don't have the dream bank account. You don't have the dream car.

I work a fairly boring job. I sit at a desk all day and I talk to people about their insurance claims. The job itself is great and I love what I do and the company that I work for....but sometimes I feel that i'm just stuck in the same routine.

My issue is that I wake up every morning between 5 and 6am. I make it to work at 8am. I work till 5pm. I leave work and get home around 6pm. I watch TV till about 11pm. I go to bed.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

I sometimes make my YouTube videos...but for the most part I'm stuck wondering what happened to the person I was in my 20s. That carefree person that was always up for an adventure at the drop of a hat. That person that bedtime be damned, I was going to have a good time.

Now as I sit here I'm 32 and I don't take risks.

I guess you could say it's my age and I'm getting mature or whatever else anecdote we tell ourselves to justify the fact that we put no effort into being more than the waste that we've become.

I'm obviously not speaking for everyone...but I know a lot of people can relate.

I think a lot of my youthful carefree attitude was taken away from me when my sister was killed a few years ago. The person I once was merged into the shell of who I am now and I float through life without making any additional effort to change anything about myself.

I guess this entire entry is a long winded way of explaining why I'm having gastric bypass surgery done. I asked myself the question of what am I doing with my life so many times that I decided to finally answer back. I decided that I'm only fucking 32 and I need to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself because of the hardships I've gone through.

I need to explore the world. I need to see things. I need to be more than I am. I need to do better.

Because what I'm doing right now isn't gonna cut it.

I'm a person trapped in a weighted suit and it's time that suit comes off.

Once I lose 200lbs there is going to be no stopping me.

So that's what I'm doing with my life.